Why am I in a Relationship?
- Feb 28, 2018
- 4 min read
As Liz and I begin this series, I want to tell you a little about me, my life and my relationships, as well as the things I have learned and things I think are important for being in a relationship.
I have a boyfriend. We have been dating for 18 months. He is my first boyfriend and the first guy I really ever liked. Originally, he started as my brother’s friend and we quickly became friends and things just grew from there. He is 2 years older than me, and we met my sophomore year of high school.
To be honest, I wasn’t really super into guys before I met him. I was never a boy-crazy kind of girl so my parents could tell things with this guy were different. My parents are high school sweethearts, so they knew first-hand how things worked out for them and how amazing having a young relationship has been for them. This has helped them to be really supportive and provide us with some guidance regarding obstacles and advice.
Over 6 months, we developed a strong friendship and connection before we even started dating. We started out with “family dates,” or hanging out with a group of friends. We still do that but now we have a few more individual dates to lunch, coffee, swing dancing, or ice skating.
Some of the most important things I have learned about relationships are:
That you be best friends first and foremost. One of the most important things you need before dating someone is a friendship. Being friends helps you to know each other, discover common interests, and really evaluate whether they would be a good choice for you. It gives you a basis for starting a relationship and if you enjoy spending time with them in purely a friendship sense, you will most likely enjoy being in a relationship with them. One of the most influential things in my relationship is that my boyfriend really is my best friend.
That they be Godly and you both be equally yoked. This is the most important thing! If you date someone, they must be GODLY and be equally yoked with you. Don’t think you can “rescue someone,” or “convert them to your religion.” 99% of the time that is NOT going to happen. And as far as being unequally yoked, the Bible says in Corinthians 6:14 “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” (NLT) Clearly God doesn’t want us to team up with someone who doesn’t follow your beliefs or religion. Being equally yoked doesn't mean you agree on every single theological point but you both are centered on the singular goal of Jesus.
That they make you laugh. On a similar point with being best friends, you and your significant other must be able to laugh; laugh at their jokes, at each other and at yourself. That is so important!! When you can laugh with each other, there is an even new layer of comfortability and connection that develops. That is SO beneficial to your relationship. Let’s face it since both of us were new at the relationship thing, laughter helps us grow closer and learn from our mistakes and to grow as a couple.
That you can major on the majors and minor on the minors. This is something my youth pastor and his wife once told our church and it is SO important. You have to major on the major points--things like religion, future plans, family values, honesty. If you can’t agree on those, it will break your relationship. But, the minors--favorite kind of music, little personality quirks, are not important. You must be able to move past things that aren’t important and instead, focus on things that are important and will ultimately help your relationship grow and strengthen. This point is largely about compromise. In a relationship you have to have compromise and you must be able to know the things that you can and cannot compromise on.
That you can communicate and know how to communicate effectively. You must be able to communicate your expectations and feelings in a relationship, otherwise you are going to be let down… a lot. So, you must be able to communicate your expectations clearly. People have different communication patterns. One thing, especially as a relationship becomes more serious, I recommend is taking the 5 love languages test, which helps you to be able to understand how the other shows love and how they need love. That is hugely beneficial to know about the other.
That you can have fun. This is so important! Be able to have fun with your significant other. If you can’t have fun, it won’t work out.
That you can be yourself! Most importantly, be able to be you in the relationship! Obviously as you spend time with someone, you change and adapt, but be able to still stay true to yourself and make sure that they like that about you to begin with!
When my boyfriend and I started dating, my parents had 4 questions that they asked about our relationship and I think they are important and necessary to help evaluate if any relationship is a good fit.
Can you be yourself?
Is it relatively easy? Do you feel like the work is worth it?
Do they bring out the best in you?
Is there drama?
If you can answer “yes” to the first three and “no” to the last, then you’re doing great! That is just a criteria to evaluate your relationship on or something you hope to emulate.
Just like Liz posted last week about how she is using her singleness to be pushed toward the Lord and being happy with where she is, the same is true with being in a relationship. I didn't expect to be in a relationship right now, but clearly the Lord had other plans. God has used my relationship to be a huge blessing in my life and draw me closer to him. There is no right or wrong way as far as being single versus in a relationship but God can use every season to benefit you! The important thing is to keep your eyes fixed on the Lord through every season of your life!
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