Darkness is my closest friend...
- Sep 13, 2017
- 3 min read
Many of can relate to Sadness from Disney’s movie Inside Out on a deep level. “Crying helps me slow down and obsess over the weight of life’s problems.” Often sadness is looked down upon; we are ashamed of the tears we shed. We fear the people around us realizing that we are deeply hurting. Each of us fears darkness. When we can’t see the love that surrounds us or feel like it has left us, then we feel alone. It is in times where our souls are heaviest where we feel most alone, for in complete darkness you can't even see your hand in front of your face.
Depressed, sad, regret, shame, lonely, anxious, unworthy, or empty is how you may feel now or have felt before. Darkness hits each of us in different ways, and often we don’t know why or how to face it. In those moments we often think “I am overwhelmed with troubles, and my life draws near to death. I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am like one without strength. I am set apart with the dead, like the slain who lie in the grave, whom you remember no more, who are cut-off from your care.”(Ps. 88:3-5 emphasis added) The part that tends to consume my thoughts is not knowing why or how to fix it. As you try to live with the darkness, it only takes over more of who you are. With a weary soul, you cry out “You have taken from me my closest friends and have made me repulsive to them. I am confined and cannot escape; my eyes are dim with grief.”(Ps. 88:8-9a) Often in our darkness, we think that we will never escape and that we are all alone. We even cry out, “I call to you, Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you.”(Ps. 88:9b) As we cry to our creator, he doesn’t take away our pain. Leading us to wonder, don’t you know I need you. Are you not here in the darkness? Why are you rejecting me, Lord? The guilt from what I’ve done consumes me, I know I’m not worthy. Father why do you reject me, I thought your love was unconditional. All day long this world surround me with pain, I’m drowning. I am all alone, now “darkness is my closest friend.”(Ps. 88:18)
Often we feel like darkness can never lead to light. We don’t want to show the world our trials, but without the trials how could we ever triumph? Dear brothers and sisters, you are stronger broken! The darkness, the challenges, the struggles, are all equipping you. Your darkness isn’t something to hide from the world. Shout it out! In the Bible, in Psalms, the book of praises we see an author cry out and question God. It is human to go through times of great trials. Just keep pushing though. The next Psalm opens up saying, “I will sing of the Lord’s great love forever; with my mouth, I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.”(Ps.99:1) Even when we feel trapped in darkness out God is faithful. Praise Him in the storm. It can be hard to see how He is working but trust in His will, because He is making a way. The trials of today lead to the triumphs of tomorrow!
If you are struggling with depression, know that I’ve been there. I’ve walked down that dark, scary, lonely path. Don’t go down it alone! I’m here for you, just email elizabeth@fearlesslyloved.com. I’m praying for you. You are more loved than you realize. Darkness doesn’t define you; it strengthens you.
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