I have an addiction
- Sep 6, 2017
- 4 min read
I have an addiction. I am addicted to perfect. You might laugh when you hear that and think, “Well, it could be worse.” I know, it’s not drugs or porn or anything to that magnitude, but my addiction impacts me daily. It is something I can never reach and never have gratification from. Nothing I ever do will come close to being perfect.
Until the past few months, I didn’t even know that I had an addiction. I feel like I have to be perfect, not because of any pressure or stress that anyone else has put on me. It’s my own pressure. I feel like I need to be perfect and everyone needs to think that I’m perfect.
NEWSFLASH I am far from perfect. Far from it.
I have only recently realized how much of a hold that this addiction has had on my life. I think about it daily and it consumes me. I feel pressure to be perfect. Have perfect grades. Look perfect. Perform perfectly. Be the perfect Christian. But I’m not and I can’t.
With my addiction to be perfect, I am afraid to be vulnerable. I don’t want to let others into my life and my heart because I don’t want them to think less of me. I want to seem strong and like I have it all together. I feel pressure to live up to everyone else’s standards and views of me. I want everyone to like me and I’m scared that if I let them in or they know how I truly feel I will disappoint them. I will disappoint my friends. My parents. My brother. My boyfriend. And most importantly, I feel like I’ll disappoint God.
So I feel like I need to put up the façade that I am okay. I am strong. I have everything together. My life is under control. I’m never upset. Hurt. Angry. Jealous. Or any other number of things that I actually am.
But I have come to realize, that yes, I am not perfect, but that is completely okay. Nothing I ever do or say will be perfect. No one will ever be perfect here on planet earth. That is a hard thing to accept. But there is a good thing through it all: I recognize through my imperfections all of Jesus’s perfections. Jesus is the only person that has ever walked on the face of this earth that has been perfect. No one else has come close.
Romans 3:23 says “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” Notice how this verse says that EVERYONE has sinned. WE ALL fall short of God’s standards. All of us. Not everyone but a certain person. Not everyone but me. Not everyone but my parents. It’s everyone. We have all fallen short of the Glories of God.
Recently, I was reading a book called Welcome to the Story by Stephen Nichols. It said that “the righteousness of God is not something we can earn, because we can’t. It’s something we’re given because of what Christ has done for us.” I cannot do anything to earn God’s love. God’s love for me is not based on what I do or don’t do. God is not a works-based God. God loves me unconditionally. Nothing I do can change that or sacrifice that.
Romans 5:1 says that “Since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ.” What is the importance of this verse? What does justification mean? My youth pastor always had a great analogy for what justification meant. Look at it as “just-as-if-I’d-never-sinned.” So this verse can be reconstructed to be more like “Since, it’s like I’ve never sinned because of my faith, I have peace with God, through Jesus Christ.”
Jesus Christ is the only person who can ever hold the title of being perfect. He was sent here to grow up among us and still, he was perfect. That is an amazing thought. How could he grow up here on Planet Earth and be perfect and without sin? He is perfect, but I am not. Nothing I can do will make me perfect. I am a sinner in need of a savior and in need of being saved. Jesus Christ is the only person who can offer that to me. But I need to accept His perfect love instead of beating myself up about my lack of perfection.
Zephaniah 3:17 says that “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you: in his love, he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” God takes delight in me. He sees my flaws and my imperfections but He still loves me. He looks at me with loving eyes. I am imperfect because I turned away from God but He has his arms open wide. He doesn’t look at my imperfections but just loves me instead. I just have to choose to accept it.
As I have come to recognize my need to be perfect as my addiction, what are you chasing that keeps you from Christ? Go through this week with the freedom of knowing that your weakness is made perfect through God’s abundant grace.
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